Will Work for Food

This September has been a month for new beginnings.  My six year old son is finding his place and routine in his grade one class.  He had a rough second week at school. Grade one is such an adjustment!  Slowly but surely he is feeling more grounded in his new surroundings and routine.  He looked up at me last week and said, "I just need to face my fears Momma'.  I have been a stay at home mom for the past six years and am now finding myself on uncharted territory as I seek employment for the first time since he was born.  I have my resume and cover letter together and have sent out many on-line applications and have just started to hit the streets shaking hands and handing out resumes.  I am learning so much from my son.  I am so proud of him and once again he is teaching me lessons.  I also must face my fears.  But what exactly am I afraid of?  I know that I am a hard worker and would be an asset to any company.  Change doesn't scare me.  I am wide open to change.  I have had my fair share of life altering 'changes'.  New beginnings?  I like to think that I have successfully lived through many of those.  I have come to the conclusion that what fills me with fear is the blank space that fills the page from 2006 until 'present'.  Why do I feel such shame in the fact that I haven't been 'working' for the past six years.  I wish that I could type exactly what I have been doing.  I would tell potential employers that I am a mother.  That my life has been one huge multi-tasking chaotic roller coaster straight out of the gate, but that I have accomplished more in the past six years than I have collectively my whole life(with a smile on my face to boot).  I have been accomplishing goals for two people.  I would tell them that I have had to deal with a lot of disappointment and fears but I have persevered.  I wish that my resume could show a picture of my son and I.  That they could see the love between us. The selflessness that parenting takes.  The courage it takes to do this alone.  I wish that my potential boss could see the house that I've made a home.  That they could see on paper how comfortable I can make people feel.  That I am a great listener and that being a parent has taught me a great deal of patience and compassion.  The blank space on my resume doesn't allow my potential employer to see that I can make quick decisions while staying calm, cool and collected.  And that I can deal with the consequences of my decision making.  They cannot tell from the words and dates written on the pages of a resume that I have wanted to give up many times but have pulled myself up and told myself that I will never, ever give up.  For the past six years I have been busy raising a human being.  And by raising I don't just mean providing food and shelter.  I have been working hard to actually try and RAISE up my son.  I try to let him know everyday how wonderful he is and how his life matters to this world.  That he can make a difference.  That he is special and wonderful in every way. Talk about a challenge!  I wish that my resume could include the fact that I am an optimist who chooses daily to see and focus on the positive.  The past years have been filled with non stop action and a tremendous amount of success.  Alas, non of these things will show up on my resume, but they are engraved in my heart and written all over my face.

When Life Gives You Chocolate...

'Life is like a box of choclates', the famous words from 'Forest Gump'.  Not today my friends.  This day, life is like attempting to take two rookie dogs for a walk on retractable leashes.  That's what life is like for me this morning.  A sneaker up-er.  The day began with my 'in the big leagues' six year old, fresh grade one'r, beautiful baby boy crying at the drop-off door.  This day began with heartache.  I wanted to scoop him up into my arms and sprint him all the way home.  Waving good-bye and turning away, I feel like a stranger in my own skin and I wonder what kind of monster abandons her distraught child.  Feeling like a vicious beast, my day begins.  A lame attempt to 'shake it off' and bring myself back into a 'only sending out positive vibes into the universe', prayer sending wonder woman follows.  A lovely walk on a beautiful day should mend my confused and aching heart.  One dog(new to a leash) walks calm yet apprehensive beside my heel.  Two dog, carefree and wag a few steps ahead.  Red dog, blue dog.  Life is good.  I've got this.  I am completely in control until...cat runs out of bush and darts across the street taking the troops completely by surprise.  Wagging dog breaks for it in hot pursuit.  Heeler wraps leash around ankles.  Faster...tighter...PURPLE DOGSSSS...and...we all fall down.  Life.  My life.  Ok Mr. Gump, I agree, 'You never know what you're gonna get'.  It is all in how we perceive.

When I think about a box of chocolates, I am ready to dig right in.  Completely surrendering to the element of surprise.  You see, it matters not what ooey gooey goodness explodes from the centre of this precious gift...I LOVE CHOCOLATE!  Get into my mouth and I will deal happily with the consequences.  But how does one find the deliciousness of life's unexpected dish outs whilst sitting on the side walk with a sore bottom, leash burnt ankles, barking dogs and snickering cats?  Come on!  That's funny!  Right?  YOU LAUGH.  You laugh so hard it brings tears to your eyes.  Then, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off,  untangle the mess, wipe the stream of mascara from your laugh sore cheeks, huddle your team and smile and wave.  Heck, walk that sore bottom over to a bench and eat a whole box of 'YOLO' chocolates.  Throw caution to the wind.  Take chances.  Allow yourself to do something crazy.  Get silly.  Laugh it off.  Sure, my life can be 'like a box of choclates'.  It can also be a tangled up chaotic gong show.  My life gets messy.  I trip and I fall.  I get eggshell in my omelette's and things expire in my fridge.  I am far from perfect and therefore my life is far from perfect.  But this crazed life is on lease and it happens to be the only one that I've got.  It is my precious gift. So it's messy and careless and bruised at times.  It is also yummy and funny and full of unexpected chances.  For example, there is a chance that the neighbourhood already thinks that I am crazy.  Well, they will now.