Thursday, 27 September 2012

Will Work for Food

This September has been a month for new beginnings.  My six year old son is finding his place and routine in his grade one class.  He had a rough second week at school. Grade one is such an adjustment!  Slowly but surely he is feeling more grounded in his new surroundings and routine.  He looked up at me last week and said, "I just need to face my fears Momma'.  I have been a stay at home mom for the past six years and am now finding myself on uncharted territory as I seek employment for the first time since he was born.  I have my resume and cover letter together and have sent out many on-line applications and have just started to hit the streets shaking hands and handing out resumes.  I am learning so much from my son.  I am so proud of him and once again he is teaching me lessons.  I also must face my fears.  But what exactly am I afraid of?  I know that I am a hard worker and would be an asset to any company.  Change doesn't scare me.  I am wide open to change.  I have had my fair share of life altering 'changes'.  New beginnings?  I like to think that I have successfully lived through many of those.  I have come to the conclusion that what fills me with fear is the blank space that fills the page from 2006 until 'present'.  Why do I feel such shame in the fact that I haven't been 'working' for the past six years.  I wish that I could type exactly what I have been doing.  I would tell potential employers that I am a mother.  That my life has been one huge multi-tasking chaotic roller coaster straight out of the gate, but that I have accomplished more in the past six years than I have collectively my whole life(with a smile on my face to boot).  I have been accomplishing goals for two people.  I would tell them that I have had to deal with a lot of disappointment and fears but I have persevered.  I wish that my resume could show a picture of my son and I.  That they could see the love between us. The selflessness that parenting takes.  The courage it takes to do this alone.  I wish that my potential boss could see the house that I've made a home.  That they could see on paper how comfortable I can make people feel.  That I am a great listener and that being a parent has taught me a great deal of patience and compassion.  The blank space on my resume doesn't allow my potential employer to see that I can make quick decisions while staying calm, cool and collected.  And that I can deal with the consequences of my decision making.  They cannot tell from the words and dates written on the pages of a resume that I have wanted to give up many times but have pulled myself up and told myself that I will never, ever give up.  For the past six years I have been busy raising a human being.  And by raising I don't just mean providing food and shelter.  I have been working hard to actually try and RAISE up my son.  I try to let him know everyday how wonderful he is and how his life matters to this world.  That he can make a difference.  That he is special and wonderful in every way. Talk about a challenge!  I wish that my resume could include the fact that I am an optimist who chooses daily to see and focus on the positive.  The past years have been filled with non stop action and a tremendous amount of success.  Alas, non of these things will show up on my resume, but they are engraved in my heart and written all over my face.

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